During my stay in Brazil, I met an older lady in a yoga class that I was teaching. She invited me to hang out a bit more and told me that she lived in the Amazon for about 10 years, that her partner comes from there and that for many years they have been growing Ayahuasca in their forest behind their house and that they also hold ceremonies as part of Santo Daime. She invited me to join one of the ceremonies but I was very hesitant and not sure. I had not heard about Santo Daime before and did a lot of research on the internet and asked her a lot of questions. My research was not very satisfying, to be honest, and I only found 2 blog posts writing about it but also not the way I would have wished in terms of information.
I had heard a lot about Ayahuasca and had been intrigued to try it someday. I had watched the movie “DMT, the spirit molecule” and was very curious. When you are in Brazil, you will likely come across people that offer you Ayahuasca or other psychedelics. I met one of those guys at a waterfall. He offered me to do Ayahuasca or Kambo with him but luckily I got alerted by a friend to be careful about who this person might be. He said that I cannot trust everybody and some of those people might just be frequent users or even addicts and try to make money from tourists.
I did trust this older lady and her partner though and thought since I am leaving Brazil in 1-2 weeks this looks like my best opportunity. Said and done, after being unsure and thinking hard about it for weeks, on the day it was supposed to happen I decided to go for it. I spent the day with her at her house in the forest where they also grow the plants. I had to fill in and sign a 2-page paper about personal information, health conditions, and some spiritual questions. Then she dressed me because I didn’t have the right clothing for the ceremony. Long skirt and white top. We drove to another small old house even deeper in the jungle where the ceremony was to take place. The room made me slightly skeptical with a table in star form with a cross and Maria statue and lots of Christian pictures and pictures of the Ayahuasca “founders” on the walls. Men sit on one side of the room and women on the other side of the room. I would have liked to sit and hide in the back row of the chairs, but unfortunately, there were only 3 women including me. So I had to sit around the star-shaped table.
The lights were on and bright almost all the time (except for during the concentration work which was unfortunately only +-20-30min). The ceremony was 4 hours long, which felt very long not being able to sing the Portuguese songs and prayers with the others. The older lady played the guitar really well and sang really well too. But most of the 6 men were not so good at singing and everyone sang really loud which was most of the time quite disturbing. In-between they said Christian prayers, which I didn’t enjoy, even though I didn’t understand the words.
The first potion of Ayahuasca was brewed by them and not so strong. I hardly felt anything. Slightly higher heart rate and it felt like my 3rd eye area was being activated. It was followed by a lot of singing and praying and I felt a bit bored and was waiting impatiently for the next dose of Ayahuasca to see something happen. The next dose eventually followed and was a brew from another shaman, which was more syrup-like and thick and stronger. I got a very tiny bit only. I sat down and instantly felt sick in my stomach. I saw one of the other ladies walk out and spit .. or maybe vomit. But I said to myself if this stuff is supposed to work I want to keep it in. So I started doing yogic Ujjayi breath and focus. The men started singing without guitar and the women and it sounded terrible. It really irritated me. The Ayahuasca started to kick in properly now and my head got very very hot like it was about to explode. The next thing I remember is being touched on my arms and forehead by the ladies next to me while I realized my arms and other parts of the body were uncontrollably shaking as if I had an epileptic seizure. They put water on my arms and forehead which sucked me back to the room. I opened my eyes and had no clue where I was and how I got here. And mostly I didn’t want to be back. I had literally just entered another place or another realm or plane, which felt amazing, and it felt like Aya was going to lead me down a path or tunnel of many experiences and moments. Like a very deep dream. I had no conscience about my body – I was sucked in so deep.
Later after the ceremony, the others told me that they were really worried about me. They said what happened is that I sat on the chair, straightened out my body and legs, head to the back, chair almost tipping over, my face was white like a sheet (the holder of the ceremony said my blood pressure will have dropped very low), my eyes had rolled up and away and they were worried I would fall on the ground and get hurt. They said I seemed to calm myself down though. And maybe that was the moment I entered the other “realm”, “plane” or wherever I was. I wish they had just left me and not interrupted me. I was almost upset they pulled me out of that situation. When I came out, I was breathing heavily trying to adapt back. After a while, it was better but I felt very heavy and struggled to sit up. I was led into the room next door to lie down for a bit, which felt amazing. But 10-15min later I felt almost normal again. I went back to the table. I very much hoped that with the 3rd potion of Ayahuasca I would go back to this place. He gave me almost the same dose as the 2nd one. But despite my hopes, NOTHING happened. I was really upset.
I sat there being fairly bored while having to listen to never-ending songs and prayers. Well, the Ayahuasca does give you a generally warm and fuzzy feeling, so that was nice. Just feeling a little off and nauseous in my stomach. Having to be present and alert. Once it was over I almost felt a little too awake considering it was 1 am in the morning and I had already been tired before the ceremony and hadn’t eaten since 3 pm. We stayed another 1,5hours talking before we left.
Conclusion: It was an interesting experience but I would not do it again with Santo Daime. Ayahuasca possibly yes, but not as part of the Santo Daime doctrine. I find it a bit of a weird concept, Christians not going to church but meeting 1-2 times a month in this circle, singing, praying and taking Ayahuasca. By having the lights on, singing non-stop and oftentimes standing upright, they don’t allow for the participants to drift away into a “trip” (which I was actually hoping for). It is a very controlled environment. There are always eyes on you and on what you do and what is happening to you.
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Great content! Super high-quality! Keep it up! 🙂
Thank you very much! I will try my best! 🙂